Thursday, June 27, 2019

The Day After Isn’t Much Better

The Ridge

We didn’t sleep, really. Maybe a few hours each but when I got up before the 6 o’clock alarm on Thursday, June 27th I was pushing myself. Getting ready and off to my job sure helped me to get the mojo rising. Thanks, Jim Morrison, for that reference. I found that I was too busy focusing on the work to let the sad thoughts in.

Before I go too far, Bill and I want to thank everyone for their kind, heart-wrenching words in yesterday’s comments on here and on Facebook. Thank you all. So many of you have been through this with your own beloveds and your support and encouragement to relive the memories of Clemson mean more than you know. We’ll get through it but not over it.

Not much to take pictures of today
My heart wasn't in it either
I love the old buildings in Mount Forest and Arthur
I was an hour at the Mat and left the place looking spotless. The drive home was calm enough but when I stepped inside, realization hit hard again and I lost it to tears. Bill was in the shower and made reference to the number of comments on my blog. We each had some yogourt and I had my tea before we drove to Costco in Guelph around 8:30. With Bill not working in London this week, we wanted to top up our groceries. It was nice that our CPP’s were in the bank a bit early.

It is about 90 minutes to Guelph and Costco is on this end so we didn’t spend much time in traffic before arriving. We found our stuff and always extra things not on our list fall into the cart somehow. 😊  The gas price was pretty good at $1.13/litre so we filled Ptooties up before following directions to Regency Fireplace Products. No, we weren’t looking for a fireplace but we were looking for my daughter, the Ops Manager.

Bridgette's nice new building that she helped design
She was on the phone in her office so her two girls out front entertained us as we sat in Bridgette’s ‘book’ wing back chairs. The pattern is hard cover books and so very typical of my book worm. I wish I'd taken a picture. The last time there, it wasn’t finished so this was a treat to see where she spends her daylight hours. We didn’t stay long as we wanted to get home and she had a scheduled conference call in a few minutes. It was nice to see her and get a teddy bear hug for our loss.

Maybe this isn't the actual original structure
but it is made to look as if it is
It was going to be 1:30 or so by the time we reached home so we decided a stop at A & W was in order. I would have ordered bacon and eggs but we were an hour past breakfast hours. Instead I had a chicken bacon ranch wrap on a white tortilla and onion rings. Not exactly avoiding the carbs but taking the lesser of two evils and avoiding a bun and fries. I couldn’t eat all the rings nor could I finish the root beer but it was all good for a fast food meal. Neither of us was that hungry anyway.

This one looks original
Just as we got into Arthur, on #6 highway, Bill asked if I could take over driving. As I said, neither of us got much sleep last night and on the drive there, I was able to close my eyes at least. So, I got us home and we unloaded the groceries and crashed upstairs in the heat of the bedroom. I opened all the windows and dropped off. I don’t know when Bill got up but I slept for an hour and a half. You dream when you sleep but you don’t think at least so there were no tears this time.

Yah - no, didn't do it for me
Don't have much of an appetite anyway
The rest of the day was just lazing around for me. I took my book down and sat outside the Hangar in the shade. It was hot out there yet too warm to stay indoors. Bill managed to finish painting his trim by 7:30 but at 6:00 I came up and made us each a sandwich. His was a grilled cheese and mine was leftover Rueben but on my keto bread. It looks better than it tasted so I only ate about 3 bites before just eating the innards. Can’t get it past my tongue although I’ve tried!

Yay, we got stopped by a red light
so I had a nice view of this church
My sister and brother-in-law called to see if we were up for a visit tomorrow afternoon. They just heard about Clemson too and were overdue for a visit to the Ridge. That will be nice to see them for coffee or whatever. We cleaned up dishes and I sat finishing my glass of milk. I don’t drink it often but with this meal, it just made sense. Jess and Matt texted checking on what they need to bring for their visit on July 4th and then my Mother-in-law called to express condolences to us both.

We keep pinching ourselves. Is this real? What have we done? Why did it have to happen now? We have discussed many times over the past year, since his vestibular disease, the different possible scenarios. What all would/could we do, how long we’d wait before doing anything and on and on. We are still convinced this was the right thing. We still beat ourselves up a bit, don’t we? Bill mentioned last night that the little guy was to the point of sleeping for 90% of his day so his body was tiring out. That makes it easier to take.

Gas was pretty good but diesel prices were awesome
We got our gas at Costco for .06¢ less
The rest of the evening was just quiet. I still have a few bites from over the last few days. The hardest part is that you don’t even realize you’re getting eaten until the next day. I sprayed some of the Pest Away product my girlfriend sent me and I’m hoping that the lovely lemongrass and lavender scent will do the trick. In the meantime, a welt on my neck is driving me nuts and a new bout of shingles on my lower back is itchy as heck. I said to Bill that I’m falling apart, restless and can’t sit comfortably. My ‘shun’ is missing from my gump and my ‘gung’ has deserted the ho. Figure that one out!

This was just a few days after we brought Clemson  home
He won our hearts from that day forward
Good night y'all!
On the up side, my book, Lee Child’s ‘Die Trying’, has grabbed me from Chapter 1. It is one of his first stories featuring Jack Reacher. So, I’ll get some of that read tonight before I give in to another mindless sleep. I hope your day was a good one.

Thank you for your thoughts.


  1. It will get better, I promise. We lost our boy last November, it still hurts terribly, I still cry, I miss him every second of every day. But it is better than it was and I know, from past experience, it does continue to get better. The sense of loss never seems to go away, that hole in your heart only slightly heals. But in time the happy memories will fill that awful void and you can smile and laugh at the silly things he did. And one of the things that helped the most was we got a new pup. It just helps to pat a furry head, hug a hairy body, and clean up slobber on the floor and windows. Jackson and Clemson will never be forgotten, never, but in time you can think of him without all the tears and the tears will only occasionally flow. Don't know if you contemplated another dog, but believe they sure do help you fill that terrible void. All the best to you and Bill, don't doubt your decision, you know in your hearts it was the right thing to do.

    1. Thank you Ruth. First time we've ever done this so it is good to know that each day gets better. Now we know better what to expect as the days pass by too. I appreciate that.
      We don't think we'll go 'there' with another pup although had the discussion several times over the past few years. Maybe we'll just love other peoples dogs. Thanks again.

    2. I don't understand how someone can get another dog so soon. To me losing your fur baby is like losing a child, you just can't go buy another one. Clemson was unique and can't be replaced. Take. your time, cry as often and as long as you need to. Mourning is a process. But yes as Ruth has said here, the pain does diminish somewhat but you will never ever forget him. I think that posting older photos like this one is a great way for you to relive his presence in your life.

      Sending more hugs today.

  2. You made the right decision. It just hurts any way you look at it. Try to keep busy. Ruth is right, it gets better. Big hugs ......

    1. Thanks Nancy, for him, I know it is the right decision. I like the keeping busy part.

  3. Loosing a loved one, especially pet its never easy, Time will eventually heal things , but the memories will never go away. Carry on with the life you have with each other and be thankful for that as long as you can. Hugs from here.

    1. Thanks George. So many memories and he is all around us inside and out of the Suite.

  4. oh my is so hard. Don't rush things.

    1. thank you. I'm not in a hurry to find homes for his stuff. I hope we'll know when it is right to do that.

  5. I feel your pain. We lost our beloved border collie just over a year ago. We miss him desperately. RIP Clemson

  6. What a beautiful town Guelph is! Would be fun to spend some time exploring I'm thinking. Your A and W meal sounded yummy and you've got to remember to eat even with no appetite. Clemson was an adorable puppy, no wonder he stole your heart :) Hugs!

    1. Thanks Shirley, thought you'd enjoy seeing him as a baby. :)

  7. Our Daughter said that after 7 years a dog is considered a Senior Citizen so Clemson had a good life. As Bill thought about the decision Clemson's body was wearing out. As you said it will get easier but you will always remember. It's been 11 years and we still remember "Mr. T"
    Nice old buildings. Many only upgrade the Windows.
    Be Safe and Enjoy as best you can!

    It's about time.

    1. Good to know that Clemson was a Senior, just like us! :)
      Mr. T - neat name.

  8. As you said, this is something you'll get through, not over. My girl Sami went to the Bridge 18 months ago and I still sometimes reach over to the spot she slept on in my bed. Clemson was a big part of your life for a long time and he deserves to be remembered with tears and sweet memories.

    Take care of one another.